its 4th of july 2008… its my birthday today… the feeling of aging has not started sinking as yet; or maybe it has…

its a rainy day; the  day was tough; long and tiring; could not sleep much through out the night; had strange surreal dreams…

at work; my colleagues  wished me  ‘happy birthday’; before that my parents were the second ones to call; the person who called first was with me in school; we studied together in standard 8 while our fathers served indian army; we moved away as our fathers got posted to different cities; never lost touch; but grew up to be totally different people; now i’m almost scared of talking to her; i wish i could heal her…

birthdays have always been a bit of pain for me; there is a color that has become permanent part of my birthdays; now i make sure that it is there;magenta ; indian pink…

on my 4th birthday; mom made me a dress of this color; it had lot of frills and i loved it; it in my memory is still the most beautiful dress i ever had; she always made me big cakes with pink icing; the last cake she made was in 2001 and it had  a magenta rose…

few things like the color have been constant on my birthdays; actually my birthdays have been very eventful i’d always be sad for some reason; either of my parents used to get pissed off and hit me only on my birthday; my brother has always acted as the pacifying factor on my birthdays; he has been the adviser; the shoulder to cry on; two years ago it was my birthday when he opened the doors of his house for me; when i had no place to go…

this year has been the best birthday i even had and i hope that this is the beginning of best birthday series; all my beautiful friends  had their  my  best birthday too

i want all of them with me all the time; those who are in delhi were missed; hope they keep their promise of making it next year; my friends promised to be with me and him, our children for times to come; its the best gift i’ve ever got; all the love and so much of love; i’m happy… thanx guys; u people are my life and i love u chotu

i’m writing after a really long time; where have i been; actually nothing much; new job and the anxiety around it ate most my time…

how is the new workplace?????

the machine at my workplace does not have photoshop so i cant play with colors when i’m free and the worst is that that facebook is blocked… there are other not so appealing factors; like the train travel; getting squashed between bodies; standing on tip of my toes at times; i almost know now that i can learn ballet…  

but i miss him a lot… i had grown habitual of having him around all the time… first few days without him; i was like fish out of water… hated everything around… cried one day when i could not get a cab…  the mornings being the most painful; leaving him behind; sleeping; i can see a film of fragrance holding him lightly…

http://eeh-haw.blogspot.com/2008/05/is-big-o-overrated.html

i’m sad…

i’m sad after every terrorist attack…

i’m sad because it was in my city…

close to a friend’s house…

i’m reminded of the smallness of this life….

i’m sad…

this is treated version of the self portrait sophia did in 2006 feb at my house in mumbai … i’m waiting for her to come back…

explode my heart with love