Myexpression’s Weblog

not very long back…

there lived a small gal…

dreaming…

hallucinating…

at four she thought; she can play harmonium at school assembly in absence of the music teacher…

for her it was an instrument that spoke to its player and she thought it always spoke to her…

of course her teachers disagreed with her…

at the same age she thought that she can make record discs out of clay, drawing circular line on them…

at five she realized that she saw what no one saw…

she heard what was never uttered…

she saw colors floating around and teasing…

sounds that came from no where…

at seven she thought that she should leave her house…

but of course she stayed back…

she loved her mom and the food she made…

the dolls her father had promised her…

though she hated her brother…

why?

he was beautiful…

he did not dream like her… he was fast…

she stayed back and grew bigger…

but not very big…

but there are men who are pedophile and incurable…

she did not visit a dentist in twenty one years…

she went on to grow but her brain was really not with her…

she thought that maybe running away is a good idea…

but it wasn’t…

then a miracle happened…

her brain became bigger, overnight…

she could act her supposed role…

though she failed many a times

but this time her father who had promised her dolls was by her side…

so was her doe eyed mother and her beautiful brother, who now looked like a warrior…

then one day her warrior brother met an angel in the jungle and got her home…

the angel had beautiful thin wings and she smelt of roses all the time…

small gal and the angel became best friends…

they both could cry without any reason…

and laugh in the middle of the night…

but the small gal in the mean time had become mean…

she had turned into a devil…

she hated many…

used and abused many more…

then one day she gave birth to vacuum…

it was a dark rainy night…

her new born grew at bigger faster than a nuclear reaction…

she thought if she does not kill her child then the child will kill her…

so on another deep dark night when the baby was sleeping under the folds of the blanket she stabbed it to death…

but the guilt was too deep to handle…

the ghost of vacuum haunted her day in and day out…

she kept losing her head…

all she saw was death around…

someone said “small gal you need therapy”

she went and saw a doc

he in is god like voice said “its bipolar disorder”

vallium is the cure…

she kept eating vallium and sleeping…

she had very good dreams…

she did not want to wake up…

she had started enjoying death…

but someone around her wanted her to wake up, cook, eat, make love, give birth…

she was too tired to do all that…

so she killed herself one night…

before dying she told me that will be born again…

very soon…

she wanted to write an autobiography called “three dots and one circle”

with closing eyes she said that she will miss her family but will find them in new life also…

that she is still waiting for the promised doll…

“this post is an ode to the small gal who died but has found life again”